Saturday, January 21, 2017

How to deal with Negative Criticisms

First of all, it is most important that we distinguish a positive criticism from a negative one.

I emphasize again: identify if the criticism is a GOOD one or a BAD one!

Good criticisms exist, and they are the ones that are usually constructive and given by those whom you trust or respect. The criticisms are worded not to merely denounce or condemn you but to advise you and warn you so that you may make better choices and hopefully become a more discerning person.

On the other hand bad criticisms are merely a reaction from anger. These people are usually consumed by aggression and hate that what comes out from their mouths tend to cause destruction, not construction. 

Good criticism may also come out of anger, but this applies to those whom you trust and respect. I won't be going into depth on how to discern a good criticism in this post. Just know that there exists two kinds and it is very important to identify the bad ones because they are the ones that are harder to deal with! If you decide the criticism was good then you are in luck; simply heed and pay your respect.

Negative criticisms are hard to deal with because you are basically being abused and being subject to verbal violence. If you are being insulted by someone you are not close to, ignoring them comes in incredibly handy.

However, if it is someone you have known for quite a while, things get more complicated. More thoughts and emotions are involved, which can suck out a lot of energy from you. If it is a friend who is insulting you, there is only one reason that they are doing this: vendetta. The friend probably felt harshly treated and he/she is trying to get back at you by playing with words. They could have just honestly admit that they were hurt and ask why he/she had to be treated that way, but not everyone is an angel. Instead, they will try to stab you and make a hole in you, as big as possible. They will call out names, shut you off, pity you, and tell that you have problems. Simple word manipulation. 

The good news is, you are not the only problem as you friend may have been declaring. Negative criticisms by a friend can become personal, but you should not torment yourself into thinking that everything is your fault. If you want to amend the relationship despite the criticisms you have faced, you should address any offense you may have committed and give a reason for your actions. 

Here's couple things to keep in mind when you are doing this:

1. Don't pay attention to the negative criticism your friend spits at you. He/she is not in the right frame of mind, hence it is better for your psychology that you don't agonize over the blabbering.

2. Don't defend or mention any content of the criticism. If you try to argue against it, the only thing you'll achieve is facing even more nonsensical criticism, and trust me there is no end to it; you are only adding more fuel to the blazing fire.

3. Emphasize and reemphasize the source of your friend's frustration and do not divert away from this central issue. Apologize for it and also explain your side of view. You need to be resolute and firm. Do not yield into discussing other subject matters that your friend provokes you into.

4. If the friend is unwilling to resolve this issue, remind him/she that he/she is angry and another time would be appropriate. End the conversation appropriately.

5. Approach another time, or if you are unsatisfied with your relationship make sure you declare your disappointment and state that you will not be speaking again.

6. Make sure you don't leave regrets. If your friend continues to insult you, express your disapproval that you do not agree (Do not insult back at him/her). If the insult won't end you could take measures to block the person on your phone/social media, and if this doesn't work (meaning that the person needs mental help) you could even call the police. Just please don't leave any regrets! I am a believer that silence is not always the answer to our conflicts. Humility is, but silence is not. If it is not completely your fault, express it and don't complain later that you were unjustly treated.

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