So I’ve started doing BJJ for almost two months, and it has been incredibly rewarding. I had so much fascination and joy that I probably haven’t felt for a long time. The coach and the students were also incredibly friendly that it made my transition much easier.
Well, couple days ago I faced my first frustration, or rather upset.
I have been quite athletic all my life. I was in varsity soccer team till high shool, competed against varsity in college, had decent records in track etc.
So I’ve picked up on BJJ quite quickly and I’ve been able to tap out my senior white belt stripes recently (those who were maybe 5-10kg lighter than me).
And this is when I have started to feel some kind of hostility.
Couple days ago I had a senior white belt on a triangle and arm barred him slowly. He wouldn’t tap out so I kept the pressure on and slowly released his arm until he gave me a abrupt punch. It didn’t hurt or anything but I found it incredibly disrespectful. I mean it wasn’t even a late tap, but an expression of anger, or to go even further violence.
I did confront this guy and told him that I didn’t want to injure him but warned him that he should be tapping or else there would be injuries. I shared my frustration with the coach as well and later the guy came up to me and apologized and told me that he was being excessivlely competitive. I said I understood and I had my faults as well. He was a young guy so I also understood his immaturity.
Conversations were all healthy but as a newbie to BJJ, this type of agression really made me bothered. After thinking deeply into this matter I came to the conclusion that maybe my skills have improved significantly and it is time for me to transition away from just focusing on submissions and start practicing a range of new techniques that I am uncomfortable with.
When you are a beginner every moment of BJJ is intimidating, and to make sure you don’t suffer you do your best to execute submissions. At least that was how I felt like as a beginner.
Next time, I am letting the other mount me and I will be practicing escapes only.
If someone has a pride issue, no need to rub it against him. Let them have the submission and this might make the atmosphere less depressing.
I’m someone who has a big problem when it comes to communication.
Reason? It demands too much of my energy and I find it more convenient to ignore the situation without confrontation.
I’m writing this post because the more I pass out on the opportunities to solve a problem by communication, I see how the outcome is even worse. Even if confrontations exhaust your energy and destabilize your emotions, these early interventions can really be good for you in the long run.
You may think that by being patient and persuading yourself to be forgiving is the best way to approach these situations. It sounds much more mature and selfless. How wrong was I! You and I are no saints. Patience is not always the right answer. In fact, I believe that early intervention through prompt conversation is the best way to prevent further conflicts in any relationships.
I always thought losing was winning; patience was a virtue; I was acting mature by suppressing my emotions. No. No. NO.
As I have said before. You are no saint. You are not even good enough to be able to forgive someone. Don’t overestimate yourself. You and I are mere human beings full of angst, flaws, fragilities, and selfishness.
Patience is a good virtue don’t get me wrong. But there is an alternative that you should try.
Here’s my main point: you need to communicate early on. If you have something that annoys you, speak it! Communicate! Explain how this makes you unhappy and that you want to find a solution! The reason you should be doing this is to prevent conflicts early on. To protect yourself.
Since I’m a medical student, I’d like to use the following analogy. Just like preventing cardiovascular diseases by dieting, exercising, eating health EARLY on, it’s important to prevent relationship problems early on. If you don’t, and if you fool yourself by thinking it’ll be ok, then one day you’ll see the full symptoms of the ignorance and patience that has deceived you. In the case of cardiovascular diseases, that would be a heart attack, a myocardial infarction, when suddenly one of your coronary arteries get blocked off completely and it can’t supply your heart with blood anymore. Without prompt intervention your heart tissue dies and it could also lead to your death.
Do this for your own sake. Patience and ignorance is not good for you in the long run. These small convenient habits of avoiding conversations are toxic and will bring bad results.
I say again. For your own good and for your own sake. For you own rights, for your well-being, please communicate the problems that trouble you and seek a resolution for these problems with your peers.
If you think this approach is too selfish, here is a word of advice my mom usually told me: “If you can’t take care of yourself. How can you take care of others?” If you really want to be selfless and altruistic human being, you need to make sure you take care of yourself first. After all, what use is a doctor who can’t even take care of his/her own health. Before you go out and try to help out people, first reflect on your own status check if you need any help. Such humility is the first step before we can declare that we are ready to help others.
Matthew 21: 33-41, 43 (The Parable of the
to another parable: There was a landowner who planted a vineyard. He put a
wall around it, dug a winepress in it and built a watchtower. Then he
rented the vineyard to some farmers and moved to another place. When the
harvest time approached, he sent his servants to the tenants to collect
tenants seized his servants; they beat one, killed another, and stoned a
third. Then he sent other servants to them, more than the first time,
and the tenants treated them the same way. Last of all, he sent his son to
will respect my son,’ he said. “But when the tenants saw the son,
they said to each other, ‘This is the heir. Come, let’s kill
him and take his inheritance.’ So they took him and threw him
out of the vineyard and killed him. “Therefore, when the owner of the
vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?”“He will bring those wretches to a wretched end,” they
he will rent the vineyard to other tenants, who will give him his share of
the crop at harvest time.”....“Therefore I tell you that the kingdom of God will be taken
away from you and given to a people who will produce its
fruit. Anyone who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; anyone on
whom it falls will be crushed.”
So many times we think that what we have on earth is
ours. This is a wretched thought!
The passage of Matthew 21 describes the owner of a
vineyard sending his son to collect the fruits, but the tenants killed him out
of greed, delusion, and selfishness that made them believe they could forever
keep what was temporarily entrusted to them. As a result, God, the owner,
killed them all.
This is the same with us. Likewise, we sin every day,
envying and lusting over things that are all God’s.
However, we have to understand that all creation is God’s. My
life included. The luxuries, the relationships, my family, my home, my wage, my
spouse, everything is God’s. The moment we put ourselves as the center of ownership,
we are deluding ourselves and putting risk to our own lives.
God wants us to see the truth and be sane. He wants us to
be free from the bondage of sin that has tricked us into thinking we are above
God. This was a stumbling block for numerous biblical figures such as Adam+Eve,
Saul, and Pharaoh. To be able to discern this truth we need to put God center
of our daily lives. In our relationships, in our work, possessions, and
everything, God needs to be the center of attention. Once God becomes less
important in our lives, that’s when we will again fool ourselves
to believe that this vineyard is ours from the beginning.
Lord, I pray that you give us discerning eyes and
humbleness so that we can declare that all we have and see is yours. And may
that move us to treat the things in our lives with more love and care. Amen.
TBL (Team Based Learning) is a teaching method that was developed by Larry Michaelson in 1979 when his class size tripled from 40 students to 120 students.
The method is simply an efficient way to get the students prepared and engaged in class. First of all, the professor assigns homework that you need to prepare for. Your preparation for the class is then tested individually by iRAT (Individual Readiness Assurance Test), which is followed by gRAT (Group Readiness Assurance Test). This means that the test questions are first tackled on your own, then with your teammates. Next, there is tAPP (Team Application), where each team is handed out a set of questions that the team should solve together by applying what you have learned during iRAT/gRAT. The questions should be Significant, Same, Specific, and reporting of the answers need to be done Simultaneously (4S) to facilitate rich discussion among teams.
That's basically a summary of the learning environment I was in for the past 1 week and it will go on for another 3 weeks before we do our clinicals.
I volunteered to be our group leader, so I felt extra responsibility and pressure to be well prepared for class. This was a tough task because the reading material each day is minimum 70 pages, so in order to really understand the material I needed to be extremely efficient with my time, which I'm not so good at...
The professor distributes team members equally according to grades, gender ratio and other factors. Since my grades aren't so stellar I pretty much knew that most of the teammates had better grades than me. This was also a stress factor for me since I'm someone who needs confidence and self-belief to be able to effectively lead and facilitate the group.
Whenever our team had a difficulty solving a problem, I felt the responsibility to act as a tie-breaker. Several times we would have situations where 3 members would vote for A and 3 (including me) would vote for B. In these situations I would ask multiple times for further opinion, and when time ran out without a conclusion I stepped up to make the final decision. It would have been awesome if we got the questions right through my lead... but my decisions led the team losing points. This would devastate me and make me feel like I was an incapable leader.
I feel like the answer to this problem is 1. study harder so that you can actually come up with better answers. 2. give up the vote during ties.
I am an outgoing person and love to make suggestions, and I admit that sometimes I can get passionate. I feel like the role of a leader is to make harmony not to only lead the team to good results. I feel like it is my duty to take this team on a smooth ride so that in the end I can hear from them that this was an enjoyable experience. Hence, I am determined to be more yielding and attentive to my colleagues' needs and lessen my urge to take responsibility for everything. I should try to encourage discussions so that the team could come up with an answer and make sure that even the quiet ones speak up. After all, the responsibility is "ours" not just "mine."